post-experiment transcript01

Whatever I am, I'm everywhere.
You don't map the stars, you are the map
and the stars in your eyes are mine now
and I don't plan on giving them back
because there's no one better than me, love
to hold your memory close
no, one better.
You say, I can still do you one better
than you did for me, love.


That velvet voice in my head that
talked you off a cliff so many times in a row
by now we should all be ashamed to sit and watch
but we do.
If you're good to yourself you start at the top
and work down, get every corner with the same attention to detail
get closer, then back off,
slowly approach again and then
set the whole damn thing on fire. Depart. Restart.
I chose flames, not atrophy, for my happy ending.


I didn't mind the look in my mind's eye
while I minded the eye in mindless sky until
I woke up under a tree I didn't recognize
mouth tasting all funny, like somebody else's kiss

A little albatross on one shoulder
and a mighty sparrow on the other
singing silly nonsense songs
about trust and lust
and a bow on my bust
I know you think I'm reaching
but I swear to you it's true:


I saw the giant pendulum
and forgot it just as fast
I was allowed to see the future
but I had to leave my past
No memories for souvenirs
just strange scars by the score
For every vision I've forgotten
I will have a million more.

I returned with someone's tongue, not mine,
but when it ran I followed to see what we'd find
and thought no matter what mistakes I made,
I could still brag how I was not afraid,
just looking for the right mouth
that would make this tongue make sense
 in dim apartments full of addicts,
 and that vermouth-smelling hotel
off of two-forty eight due south
Mildewy basements with god-only-knows
In in dusty locked-up atticks
On a sleepy hill where it always snows
and you can see all the way to the edge of whatever's out there
I see two people sitting, just their silhouette
and after they leave I see the impression
that they will immediately forget.

I could have found you sooner
but I didn't talk the talk
I couldn't speak to anyone,
which made it harder than I thought
I looked in every fucking treetop
under every fucking rock
and fell asleep still searching
for that one iconic thought

That gem that I've been searching for
in a dozen other lives
that would finally breach the distance
between the two halves of my mind
and I remembered someone's promise
that if I just knew how to fight
and yet somehow still lose with grace
I could sleep alone when the sky gets dark
without eyes open, just in case.

I promise I'll stop screaming
about the voices from above
when everybody screams it with me:
The things we fear just want our love.