ambivalence

I decided to start smoking again. I don't regret this attempt at quitting, and I'll probably try again in the future, but as of now I started again. I have complicated feelings about the whole thing, but it's more than I can handle at this time.

I'm not, however, going to smoke in my apartment because refraining from doing so is not that hard and I like my room not smelling like tobacco. That may seem hypocritical, but it's the way I'm doing things.

I know that there are a lot issues tied up in this. Body image is one of them, gaining weight is definitely difficult to deal with. My clothes don't fit the same, it sucks. Getting work done efficiently is another issue. I find it hard to focus without the reward pattern of stimulants I'm accustomed to. I'm also fighting a nasty case of senioritis and this hasn't been helping.